Wanted: a full-time number-one defensemen for the Dallas Stars
Experience: minimum of five years in the NHL; maximum of 15 (sorry, Chelios)
Skills: ability to make smart decisions; good puck handling skills; the ability to make a defensive play without looking like a deep in the headlights; in other words, the opposite of Matt Niskanen
Are you an NHL defensemen who’s unhappy with your team? Well, the Dallas Stars might be able to help. Needed is a defensemen who can take over where Sergei Zubov left off two years ago. Besides, who wouldn’t love to be number-one?
The job is full-time, 82 nights a year (and possibly more if you do your job correctly!) with an excellent salary.
Call 214-GO-STARS if interested and ask for Joe Nieuwendyk. Please don’t ask for Brett Hull; he’s not right in the head when it comes to important stuff like this.